An After-lunch Affair.

So I was in the bathroom at work and a man walked in with an urgency that, I assume we all can relate to.  He rushed into the empty handicapped stall, although he was not hampered to my eyes.  My eyes may have been deceived as for what happened next surely could be a burden for this individual.

I heard the rustling of a belt and the unzipping of the pants and, when I believe the rubber met the road, a huge sigh of relief.  What followed was a slow buildup of noises.  Let’s say a low-volume machine-gun, if you will.  Or even better, a machine–gun that is far away, but is also on a truck and slowly coming towards you, getting louder.

The sound continued to ramp up.  I was quite impressed with the duration of the affair.  Had this man’s butt been an Olympic diver, he would have surely had enough air to go for gold.

As I washed my hands, I could not help but be distracted by this sound and also dumbfounded by how I was the only other person in this restroom experiencing this.  Surely this magical experience was planted in the seeds of fate for this mutual experience between this stranger and I.

As I completed the process of washing and drying my hands, the restroom fell silent.  I do admit to a bit of relief on my part, because any longer and this man surely would have needed emergency services.  So I proceeded to the door and opened it to leave.

When the door was ajar, a woman in the hallway was walking by from my left to my right.  What then exploded from behind me can only be described as elephant-like.  The man had took this opportunity to reach into the depths of his rectum and produce the most bombastic and orchestral noise that has probably ever been produced by a human butt.

I locked eyes with this woman as she walked by, both of us not sure how to react to this sound.  Like a staring contest between two owls, neither of us could break the gaze during this performance being produced in the bathroom behind me.

Finally, the symphony ended and the bathroom door closed.  I walked away dumbfounded and sat down back at my desk which is where I am currently.  Reliving this moment that happened a mere five minutes ago.

It was a surreal experience.

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